


Just Zeros and Ones

by Thoughts Like A Minefield (Incog_Ninja)



Series: I Won't Let You Fall Apart [4]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Dom Sam Winchester, Dom/sub Undertones, F/M, Pissed Off OFC
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-15
Updated: 2020-02-15
Packaged: 2021-02-28 06:40:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,130
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22739713
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Incog_Ninja/pseuds/Thoughts%20Like%20A%20Minefield
Summary: If Sam could fix himself, he would. But he can save her… even if it means saving her from himself.
Relationships: Sam Winchester/Original Female Character(s), Sam Winchester/Reader
Series: I Won't Let You Fall Apart [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1267334
Kudos: 23





	Just Zeros and Ones

**Author's Note:**

> Trent Reznor’s words are always on rotation in my mind - always. For this fic, I built a world where I felt his words were in Sam’s, driving him and stalling him, sometimes even paralyzing him.
> 
> “She shines in a world full of ugliness. She matters when everything is meaningless. She doesn’t see her beauty. I can’t watch her slip away.” 
> 
> \- Trent Reznor

Then he walks out the door, much the way he came in, taking up the frame from side to side and top to bottom. You watch him, you slow it down in your perception to capture the moment for all eternity. It’ll be the last time you watch him do it and your heart drops into your stomach.

~~~~~~~

_You came to and Sam was on his back, staring at the ceiling, breathing steady and deep – his eyes wide and alert._

_His words rang in your ear – words from moments ago and from months before that: “We can’t keep doing this.”_

_You rolled to your side to face him – in physicality only because your soul wasn’t in it, your heart was hiding, your mind was in denial. “We could go somewhere,” you said. “Somewhere no one will find us.”_

_“They’ll always-” he answered stilted and too quickly. “It isn’t safe.”_

_He’d told you last year that he had hope once, like you. He’d told you he’d rather lose you than watch you fade to nothing. He’d told you… he’d told you that it was too late for him but not too late for you._

_“It’s already too late,” you said, throwing your legs to the side of the bed and sitting up too fast. You swayed and he caught your shoulders to steady you._

_“It isn’t,” he argued. “It isn’t too late for you.”_

_You turned to glare at him. “You can’t just… come in here and_ do this to me _and then_ leave _.”_

_Sam hung his head. “I shouldn’t have come,” he said, letting his hands drop, fingers dragging over your dewy skin._

_You were enraged. “Fuck that.” You finally stood, crossing the room for your robe. You wrapped yourself tight, tied the sash and rounded on him as he was pulling his pants on. “Fuck_ you _, in fact.”_

_You stalked toward him. “Do you know what’s on my mind day-in and day-out?” You were toe-to-toe with him as he towered over you, intimidating and large as ever, but you raged on. “You – only you.” Your breath shook in your lungs as it left your body. You were still a little high from Sam’s hand around your throat… but you couldn’t think about that anymore. “I don’t think about anything else.”_

_Then you turned and began to pace. You felt your strength regaining, reinforcing you and your passion, your energy renewed. You wanted him to know what he should already know, exactly the things he’d said to you moments ago, but that he refused to accept._

_“I_ exist _, Sam,” you continued, feeling your nails dig into your own palms, seeing Sam slowly take a seat on the edge of your bed, folding his hands quietly, listening. “I go to work, I come home.” You turned to approach him again. “I don’t even have_ plants _because I can’t be brought to care about anything but you!”_

_Sam’s brow furrowed. “Plants?” He seemed confused. “Plants are nothing compared to- listen to me.” He stood and gripped your shoulders. “I don’t know what you have to do, find another Dom, I’ll help you, but plants…” he chuckled darkly, shook his head and looked at your bare feet._

_“Fuck. The plants,” you said. “What you said to me, over there…” You pointed at the bed. “Just 10-minutes ago, you bastard, is that you were here to take care of me-”_

_He cut you off. “And if that means finding you another-”_

_“Don’t you fucking_ dare _say find me another Dom,” you growled, and his mouth snapped shut._

_“You said you think about me all the time,” you continued. “You said you want me all the time.” You reached for his hand, twisted your fingers with his. “It’s not like I don’t know about what you do, Sam.”_

_You were breathing heavier than you had realized. When his eyes met yours again, they were pleading. He shook his head. “But how?” he asked._

_You sighed. “You save the world every day and you’re asking me how we can make something so perfectly organic work?”_

_Sam huffed a laugh of defeat or relief – you weren’t sure which until he swept you into his arms and carried you the few steps to the bed._

_He dropped you onto the mattress where you bounced. He was smirking as he shed his jeans. “You and that smart mouth.” He climbed onto the bed like a big cat, stalking its prey. “Should really do somethin’ about that.”_

_You shivered from his tone and his closeness and the threat of reprimand, but you didn’t want to get distracted from your point. You sat up, put your hands up to stop him from coming closer._

_He inhaled sharply and his eyes sparked as he pressed his bare chest to your palms._

_“I mean it, Sam,” you said. “If you walk out that door today without me, it’ll be the last time.”_

_Then his face shifted from devious to demanding, determined. He pushed into you, pushed you to your back, yanked your robe open, pushed your legs apart and thrust up into you._

_“I know,” he said, gritting his teeth._

_He was flat, planked over you, pressing your wrists hard into the mattress, hammering up into you, hitting you where it counts every time._

_“I won’t,” he said, taking your mouth with his._

~~~~~~~

You pack very little – basic toiletries, a few t-shirts, your favorite hoodie, jeans, leggings, underwear, of course.

“Dean’s gonna,” Sam pauses, shaking his head at his phone. His cheeks are red, and his brow is furrowed.

You’re nervous, too. Will Dean like you? Will he accept you? Will he-

“Dean’s gonna love you,” Sam says with a small smile as you drop a pair of socks into your duffle bag. “And he’s gonna just…” He shakes his head again. “There’s a lot you need to know, and I’ll catch you up, but just be prepared for Dean to be bossy and… protective.”

You feel your eyebrows arch. “Runs in the family, I guess,” you mutter, zipping your bag.

“No,” Sam says, chuckling. “Dean’s bossy in a whole different way.” He smiles and heads toward your door. “You’ll see.”

He opens the door and the bold yellow-orange-pink of the setting sun makes him a silhouette. Then he walks out the door, much the way he came in, taking up the frame from side to side and top to bottom. You watch him, you slow it down in your perception to capture the moment for all eternity. It’ll be the last time you watch him do it and your heart drops into your stomach.

Sam turns and reaches out a hand to you. “Ready?” he asks.

You nod and step forward, take is hand, and leave behind the world you’ve always known.


End file.
